RE: New.

In response to The Daily Post’s weekly photo challenge: “New.”

Little tidbit about me– I adore the sky. I love photos of the sky, I love the various colors a sky can have, I love looking at it even when it hurts my eyes because it’s so bright. Little little tidbit– this is also a remnant of my weeaboo phase. This fascination¬†in particular comes from a show released in 2005 called Air. You may have seen it mentioned already from the drawing I plan on posting three days ago in celebration of the show’s 10 year anniversary. If I did not post anything on January 6, 2015, then I have failed you.

please refer to the watermark for source

“Wow, Ven! That gif is so beautiful, now your picture is looking a little ‘eh.'” Yes, thank you.

The show stars a lonely girl named Misuzu, with eyes as blue as the sky, and a heart just as bright as the sun in the sky.

Now that the new year is starting, facts that were once easily dismissed are being dragged forcibly to the front of my mind. I am graduating with a 4-year university degree, perhaps in the top 10% of my class. I will be starting the masters program later this year. I am going to be starting a full-time job, salary and all! My little brother is turning 20, and my baby brother is turning 15(!). I have a half-sister who will be turning four this year(!!). My stepdad will be turning 40 this year(!!!). My 20-lb cat and his fraternal twins that live with my dad will be six years old this year, even though Beetlejuice acts just as spoiled as the day we found him in the gutters.

So why did I post a picture of the sky? Why not a picture of my siblings, of my family, of my cats?

wpid-20141229_171214.jpg

I want to be as bright as the sky.

Living with major depressive disorder is no easy feat, especially when it’s a crippling neurological disorder you can only explain to others as “I’ve always been this way, really.” Yes, I’ve always been quiet and sullen, even on half a gram of antidepressants. People with my illness are not expected to be successful. We are not expected to talk about how we feel fatigued every moment of every day, how our lethargy is not apathy or disdain for the world, it’s just a fact we deal with. You are not to mention how something as minuscule as a red balloon can trigger a flood of memories from high school and keep you in bed for the rest of the day. Many times, the only way I can cope with my lethargy is to retreat into the background and keep my eyes away from the sun. The shadows are comforting, they are familiar and easy to find, but they are cold. I want to step out and into the warmth of the sky. I want to drown in others’ sunshine and find a way to make the sky’s brightness my own.

That’s my goal for 2015.

Actually, it’s mostly to lose some weight and work on my stand up comedy routine, but it’s also this.

Advertisements

Fifteen ; Sunrises

I have fifteen followers! Gosh, on such a trivially-themed blog such as this, I feel like that’s quite a feat. For the longest time, my personal Tumblr account was stuck at twelve followers, despite having posts that had hundreds (on one occasion, thousands!) of reposts and likes. It’s the start of a new year, but I’m still so tired, so lethargic.

I wasn’t able to see the first sunrise this year either.

I don’t know why I’m so fascinated with the idea of seeing the first sunrise of the year. It could have something to do with my seeing it done on an episode of Fruits Basket, as much as I’ve tried to squish out my inner weeaboo.

Falling asleep early and getting up to see it doesn’t count, in my opinion. I want to still be awake from the last day of the year and greet the sunrise. In Florida, that’s a little difficult, since our sunrises like to take their sweet time. Were you ever able to stay awake long enough to see the first sunrise?

Jewel Sparkle

Jewel Sparkle

So I have this creepy fascination with the LalaLoopsy franchise. Everyone else thinks their button eyes and “ragdolls come to life” concept is terrifying, but I think its adorable! About a year ago, my friend Kristen gave me her barely used fashion-sketchbook and before I knew it, it was almost completely full.
*Originally posted March 15, 2013 on the now deactivated vox-angelus Tumblr account.